Saturday, 19 October 2013

That Sweetest Little Things

I'm having a semifinal for a modelling competition next week. I didn't really expect to get there actually, but I did chosen as a semifinalist. And this is my first time going to a modelling competition, so yesss, I'm sooooo excited yet nervous at the same time. I have to struggle really hard to win. But the time given is just too little. I'm having a camping for 3 days long, and that's quite taking my chances. I need to prepare so many things. Beside a talent show, I must present the tourism object in my city too. I have to 'pack' them in a good and innovative way so the audience won't get bored. For the talent show, I'm planning to do a speech. An English speech. But my senior, who lives in United States now as a university student, doesn't really suggest it. He said that it would be quite awkward to speak around 8 minutes, even though it would be presented with different languages. English and Indonesian. He asked me to do something that related to our culture. Well, actually that was my first plan. But due to the limited time I have, that would be impossible. I'm having an english speech contest too in November, and I haven't prepared anything for it. What should I do? :(

Beside my nerves and anxiety that keep haunting me, I also have some fear of being underestimated by other people. Especially my friends who weren't really close to me. They know me as an ignorant person. And I was quite fat back then. I'm so afraid that they would underestimate me, even though I've changed. I wish I could win this competition though, so I can show the world that I'm able to do something useful, and I'm still as good as I used to be, but have changed my bad habits :)

Went to the Korea Winter Travel Fair 2013 tonite with my family. I met the Delicious Musical Bibap. They were freakin' amazing! I wish I could see them performing again tomorrow, and take better pictures with them, since today's pics were quite disappointing and blurry *sigh*
One of the members really looked like Kim Jongkook anyway! He was so cute yet handsomee xD so happy to meet him! >.<

Good night! ;)


Sunday, 13 October 2013


I think I will be posting regularly from now on, since I have my iPod to post something in my blog without opening my lagging yet stimulating people to be angry laptop. Maybe I will start posting about my daily activites, how I feel about something, etc. I hope you won't feel bothered. :)

And yeah, my blog is nesting. I'm thinking of moving to a new blog, what do you think?

So, jealousy. Simple one word which can make people change. From bad to good, or maybe good to bad. And I'm having it right now.
I'm jealous of my friends who are smarter than me. I'm jealous of my friends who don't easily get panic when something unexpected happen. I'm jealous of my buddies who are able to do anything amazingly. I'm jealous of my sister who has lots of friends and gets attention from people because she's so cheerful. I'm jealous of the people who have pretty faces and seem-to-be-nice lifes. I'm jealous of almost everything and every people in this world. Ironic? Indeed.

Does jealousy give any goods? Maybe. But mostly, bad. Do I change to a bad person? I don't know. I would feel down whenever I saw or remembered about the people I got jealous of. And that somehow made me to a very introverted person. It affected on how I acted and responded to people. I had always thought than I was the worst girl existed in this world. I had always acted that all I could do was nothing. I had always avoided to socialize with people who I thought were better than me. I looked down on myself. I was afraid of being something even though I wanted to. And then I became a not-very-nice person. I had always thought in negative way. I didn't really have many friends back then. I felt lonely. And it was killing me slowly.
When I told about this to my friend who accused himself as the male version of myself, he told me the words. The precious words.

"The greatest discovery of all time is, that people can change their future merely by changing their attitude" - Oprah Winfrey

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

And then those words magically woke me up. I started to change my attitude. I tried not to be so introverted. I tried to think in positive way. And it works.
I've got new friends and acquitances. I'm not as quiet as I used to be. I'm getting better, and that somehow relieved me.

I want to be a person who is useful for every people in this world. I want to participate in every single thing happens. I don't wanna be passive, I wanna be active. I want to be a multitalented person.
I want and I'm sure that I will become a better person and be who I want to be.